Friday Funnies

For all of the readers out there who are confused by the intricacies of football (and I would be kind of confused why someone would read a sports blog and not know the basic rules but whatever) Vanity Fair has got you covered. Click here to read up on football, just in time for the Super Bowl. (Some what am I at 5 mentions so far today?)

(Photo: AP; link via CityFile)

Friday Night Lights Friday

This weekend is the Super Bowl (let’s see how many times I can mention that today) so why not get yourself in the mood for football by catching the latest episode of Friday Night Lights? Tonight’s all new episode centers around the annual player’s dinner. Katie McCoy mother of J.D. McCoy offers to host the event even though her son remains the back-up QB for now. Poor Matt Saracen, could it get any harder for him? You’ll have to tune into NBC at 9 PM/est to find out!

And if you missed last week’s episode or you want to catch up on previous seasons, click here.

Impeachment

Baseball: Albert Pujols really wants the Cardinals to sign Manny Ramirez...The A's have signed Russ Springer to a one year, $3.3 million deal...The Twins and Jason Kubel have agreed to a two year, $7.2 million contract...The Mariners have given Mike Sweeney a minor league contract...The Joe Torre book continues to remain in the news thanks to David Wells...Oh and the Yankees are thinking about adding a confidentiality clause into future contracts...And if you're in the New York area and would like to have Joe Torre sign a copy of his new book, head over to Bookends in Ridgewood, NJ on February 4th...That lame ass extra innings rule will be used in the World Baseball Classic...The Rays 1B Carlos Pena will miss the WBC after undergoing abdominal surgery.

Basketball: The Magic downed the Cavs, 99-88...Manu Ginobili knocked down 18 free throws in route to the Spurs 114-104 victory over the Suns...The All-Star reserves were named and Carmelo Anthony is not on that list...The NBA will not suspend Lakers center Andrew Bynum for a foul committed against Bobcat forward Gerald Wallace that cracked his rib and partially collapsed his lung.

College Basketball: Pat Summit is just one win away from 1,000 victories after #13 Tennessee edged Mississippi, 60-59...#17 UCLA moved back atop the Pac-10 with their 81-66 crushing of Cal...Washington State upset #14 Arizona State, 65-55...Minnesota has put a hault to their 20 game losing streak to Illinois with a 59-36 victory. Wow a high scoring game, huh?...Grambling and Talladega College were missing one small component of their scheduled basketball game, referees!

Football: Good news football fans, the NFLPA does not see a reason to stage a lock-out in 2010...Cowboys TE Martellus Bennett was fined $22,000 for his rap video on YouTube...Fired Chiefs head coach Herm Edwards is moving over to ESPN. I guess this was decided before ESPN put that hiring freeze in place...Well wishes go out to Eagles defensive coordinator Jim Johnson who has had a recurrance of cancer...President Barack Obama is rooting for the Steelers. Aren't Presidents supposed to stay neutral when the team they normally root for isn't in the big game?...The usual Super Bowl Mayoral wager is really lame this year...Finally, as if you could, don't forget the Super Bowl is on NBC on Sunday. It will be followed by a supersized episode of The Office!

Hockey: Marty Turcco made 22 saves as the Stars defeated the Wings, 4-2...The Devils scored their seventh straight win, edging the Bruins, 4-3...Evgeni Nabokov staged his second straight shutout as the Sharks blanked the Coyotes, 2-0...Kyle Okposo had his first two goal game as the Islanders broke a 14 road game losing streak with their 5-4 victory over the Thrashers...Eric Staal's goal with 1:36 remaining was enough to lift the Hurricanes past the Lightning, 3-2.
(Photo: Getty Images)

Best of the Rest: Congrats to Venus and Serena Williams on winning the Aussie Open Women's Doubles...Rafael Nadal survived a tough battle by Fernando Verdasco to advance to the Aussie Open finals where he'll take on Roger Federer.

Check this out: Looks like the state of Illinois will have a new governor. So long Rod, it will be so boring without you hogging up the spotlight on early morning news shows and The View.

How can you tell if a jersey is real?

Check the name on the back of the jersey. This was just one of the items the popo has seized as fans descend on Tampa for the Super Bowl on Sunday. Among the estimated $500,000 worth of fake items found at a Tampa Bay flea market stall, were counterfeit jerseys, hats and Nike products.

Junior Raphael Prentice, the proprietor of said stall, was handcuffed and charged with one count of distributing goods with counterfeit trademarks, with additional charges pending. Although this isn’t the first time Prentice and the popo have met, Junior has already served prison time for drug trafficking and possession. So I would say that he hasn’t truly learned from his mistakes, but at least this time his jail sentence should be a bit lighter.

The popo hope this will be the first arrest of many as they continue to track down counterfeiters in the area. Unfortunately for Tampa resident Eric Carter, the arrest came a few days too late. Carter had purchased three pairs of Air Jordans from Prentice for $55 each, but had questioned their authenticity after “the logos fell off and the glue came undone.” Carter returned the shoes but had failed to get his money back.

"I thought I was getting a deal," he said, "and then I got ripped off."

Well remember kids, if it seems too good to be true, it probably is. Oh and when someone’s name is misspelled, it’s definitely a fake!

Watch out Junior, because the popo are on your tail!

(Photo: AP; source)

Bad News for David Letterman

The economy strikes again. It’s latest victim, Rahal Letterman which in the past fielded the 2004 Indy 500 winner driven by Buddy Rice and also gave Danica Patrick her start in the IRL. The IndyCar team has announced it will sit out the 2009 season due to lack of sponsorship. Yikes! You’d think if any car could get a sponsor, it would be one part owned by David Letterman.

The team had just one car entry in 2008, driven by American driver Ryan Hunter-Reay who won the July race at Watkins Glen.

It is important to note that the team has not disbanded, but rather continues the search for a sponsor to revive the team. Maybe Oprah can do it.
(Photo: Seth Rossman/AP; source)

Hump Day Hair

So I missed yesterday's usual post, but I could never go a week without commenting on hair so here we go.

A few days ago, Chase Utley met with members of the media and announced he is hoping to be ready to play by Opening Day. But more pertinent to this post, he also revealed a new hair cut...

...which I totally approve of by the way. Hopefully this will not hurt pomade sales too much this season.
(Photo: AP)

24 Hour Bug

Baseball: The Cubs have acquired reliever Aaron Heilman from the Mariners for Ronny Cedeno and Garrett Olson...The Angels and Maicer Izturis came to an agreement on a one year, $1.6 million contract...The D'Backs have reportedly signed Jon Garland...The Rockies gave Ubaldo Jimenez a four year deal...Rangers reliever Joaquin Benoit will miss part of the 2009 season after undergoing surgery to repair a torn right rotator cuff...The Mets completed their finance of CitiField on Wednesday by selling $82.28 million in tax-free bonds....The New York Times really really really wants to get rid of their share in the Red Sox...And Derek Jeter is taking a wait and see approach to Joe Torre's new book.



Basketball: The Celtics continue to dominate, taking out the Kings, 119-100...Rasheed Wallace's 25 points and 10 rebounds helped push the Pistons past the Timberwolves, 98-89...Charlotte Bobcats forward Gerald Wallace suffered a partially collapsed left lung and fractured rib during Charlotte's double-overtime victory over the Lakers...A report revealed that Eddie Curry was not just the father of 3 year old Noah, but also Nova Henry's 9 month old daughter. Both Henry and the baby girl were murdered in Chicago last week.
(Photo:AP)

College Basketball: Duke went on a run that tied the game at 68, but a last second lay-up handed Wake Forest the 70-68 win. PS it is so not a good thing to be #1 this season...Meanwhile UNC surived a Florida State push, 80-77...#21 Villanova surprised #3 Pittsburgh with the 67-57 win...North Carolina State held a tribute to their women's basketball coach Kay Yow who passed away over the weekend.

Football: The NFLPA has been ordered to pay $28.1 million to retired players...The Raiders have selected Tom Cable as their new head coach...Jon Gruden is sure he'll land on his feet somewhere else...Santonio Holmes revealed he sold drugs as a youngster living in South Florida. Now Holmes is a WR on the Super Bowl playing Steelers. What a difference a few years can make!...The Giants are going to need to pick up two new WR this offseason because according to Amani Toomer, he's not coming back.

Hockey: A five goal period by the Penguins broke up a stale mate between Pittsburgh and the Rangers, ultimately giving the Pens the 6-2 win. Kris Letang had his first ever multigoal game... Jonathan Toews scored the game winner in the blackhawks, 3-2 win over the Ducks...Michael Cammalleri's hat trick was the difference in the Flames 5-2 victory over the Sabres...The Lightning's back up goalie Olaf Kolzig will be out the rest of the season after undergoing surgery to repair a ruptured tendon in his left arm...Henrik Zetterberg just signed the longest deal in Red Wings history, a 12 year, $73 million contract. Is it just me or is 12 years a bit excessive?

Best of the Rest: Serena Williams advanced to the Aussie Final, click here to see who she's facing and what the Men's final looks like...It's official, A.J. Allemdinger will drive the #44 for Richard Petty Motorsports...Former welterweight titleholder Antonio Margarito had his license suspended in the wake of a hand wrap incident.

Check this out: I know I shouldn't get my hopes up for this, but Jeffry Tambor is saying that Michael Cera will be in the Arrested Development Movie.

Now & Then

Baseball: Andy Pettitte signed a one year, $5.5 million contract with the Yankees. So why didn't he sign that $10 million guaranteed one a couple of months ago?..The Royals locked up Zack Greinke for four years and $38 million...Craig Council signed a one year, $1 million deal with the Brewers...The Cubs may go after Jake Peavy again...Brett Pedroia, older brother of Dustin Pedroia is having some minor legal issues...Meanwhile Joba Chamberlain's DUI case has been delayed, again...I believe David Justice, Dwight Gooden, well the man's been in jail a couple of times so his word does not go very far with me.

Basketball: The Knicks staged a fourth quarter comeback in their 104-98 defeat of the Rockets...The Nets on the other hand came up short in their 94-85 loss to the Thunder...Chris Paul's triple double helped lead the Hornets past the 76ers, 101-86.

College Basketball: Duke is number 1. Who called that yesterday? Fine maybe everyone did call that, but only one person put that on this blog!...Mark Gottfried is retiring after 11 years at Alabama...Former Indiana basketball coach Kelvin Sampson is appealing his discipline by the NCAA.

College Football: The Mountain West Conference is petitioning for an automatic bid into the BCS.



Football: T.O. is getting his own reality show. I hope it's like Flavor of T.O...Carolina Panthers are revoking PSLs for fans who did not purchase playoff tickets...Tickets to the NFLs game in London are selling fast.
(Photo: Getty Images)

Hockey: 11 games are on the roster including the Bruins going up against the Capitals as the NHL returns from the All-Star break...The League is looking into a fighting ban, but judging from the players' reaction, it's not going to happen...Sidney Crosby is skating again, but is still questionable for Wednesday's game against the Rangers.

Best of the Rest: Andy Roddick advanced to the semis thanks to Novak Djokovic's minor heat stroke. Click here to see the lasted from the Aussie Open...Jimmie Johnson underwent surgery. Lesson to be learned, kitchen knives are not our friends...David Beckham's flirtation with the US maybe over if Milan gets to hold onto him.

Check this out: Click here to see your favorite 90s TV stars then & now.

Reminder

I am in a meeting all morning and will be unable to update the blog until at least lunch time. Until then, click on this interesting article to read about Jimmie Johnson’s losing battle with a kitchen knife.

Separated at Birth

He may have gotten bounced today, but I hold out hope that James Blake will come back strong for the next grand slam.

Drink UP

Baseball: A new book about Joe Torre's tenure with the Yankees may have a few people upset...The Tigers have signed reliever Brandon Lyons...Ben Sheets and the Texas Rangers continue to talk...While the Mets and Oliver Perez are trying to work something out...Sean Casey is expected to announce his retirement. He is also likely to take a job with the MLB Network...Chase Utley hopes to be ready to go by Opening Day...Speaking of recovery, Joe Mauer expects to be back with the Twins by Spring training...Braves top prospect Jordan Schafer did not take HGH. But he did hang out with the "wrong people"...And finally Jose Conseco got his ass kicked by Danny Bonaduce. Click here for photos.

Basketball: The Lakers ran past the Spurs, 99-85...While the Rockets without Yao Ming handled the Pistons, 108-105...The Celtics routed the Mavs, 124-100...Buck's Michael Redd will miss the remainder of the season with torn ligaments in his left knee...Sad news, Nova Henry, the former girlfriend of Knicks player Eddie Curry and mother to his three year old son was found dead over the weekend. The 24 year old was apparently shot to death.

College Basketball: After massacring Maryland, 85-44, Duke should find itself on top of the polls...#9 Louisville dropped #8 Syracuse, 67-57...Seton Hall upset #12 Georgetown, 65-60...Houston guard Aubrey Coleman is sorry for stepping on Arizona's Chase Budinger's head.

Football: The Cleveland Browns have hired George Kokinis to be their new GM...The Chiefs have fired Herm Edwards...Jeff Fischer has reportedly told Kerry Collins that he'll be the Titans starter next season...Seahawks LB Leroy Hill has been arrested for misdemanor marijuana possession. Watch out Leroy, because the popo are on your tail!



Hockey: NHL All-Star was held this weekend with the East edging the West, 12-11 in a shootout...Alex Kovalev was named MVP...Good news, Garrett Klotz a Flyers prospect who plays for the Philadelphia Phantoms has been released from the hospital after having a seizure following a fight during the Phantoms 2-1 victory over Manchester.
(Photo: Reuters)

Best of the Rest: Even though James Blake got bounced in the fourth round, I will try to keep up with the Aussie Open. For now you can click here to see the latest scores from down under...Congrats to the Brumos Porsche team on collecting the Rolex 24 hours at Daytona crown.
Check this out: The Screen Actors Guild Awards were yesterday. Click here to see who won.

Friday Funnies

Judging from these photos, Thursday was “Meet the Fans Day” in the NBA. Granted two out of the three shots feature Tiger Woods, but that third one was definitely a promotion those fans will not soon forget.

(Photo: AP)

(Photo: Reuters)

(Photo: Reuters)

Friday Night Lights Friday

Separated at Birth:

*SPOILER ALERT If you didn't watch last week's episode*

So last week we learned that Smash Williams injured his knee during the playoffs and was in the midst of an intense rehab program with Coach Taylor that hit a bit of a rough patch after Smash visited his doctor. Can Smash get back on track? And how will this hot new QB effect our buddy Matt Saracen? You'll have to tune in to NBC at 9 PM/est to find out.

And don't forget to tell all of your friends about the best show on TV. Last weeks episode only brought in 4.6 million viewers and we'll need a heck of a lot more people watching to get a season 4.

More Crazy Aussie Open News

This morning I posted about a raucous following the Novak Djokovic/Amer Delic match. And now word out of Melbourne was that fans at the Williams sister’s doubles match got a heck of a lot more than they paid for when a streaker dashed across the court dancing while baring it all for the entire crowd to see.

“Australian Open officials said the streaker was on the court for 14 seconds. He was met by security guards as he left, then arrested and banned for the event. He was not immediately identified.”

Luckily the sideshow didn’t deter Venus and Serena from beating up their opponents Japan’s Ayumi Morita and Germany’s Martina Muller, 6-3, 6-3.

I have got to start paying more attention to tennis! Oh and streaker, watch out, because the popo are on your tail!
(Photo: AP; source)

Football Coach charged with Murder

A Kentucky high school football coach has been charged in the connection of a sophomore player’s death in August. Pleasure Ridge Park offensive lineman Max Gilpin died from complications related to heat stroke after participating in practice that was conducted in extreme heat. Gilpin had reportedly collapsed when assistant coach Steven Deacon called 911:

"He's just overheated ... and we've got water on him ... he's responsive and he's got a big rapid pulse but ..." Deacon said. "... He keeps going ... yeah he's awake ... we're trying to get him to open his eyes right now ... he's got a rapid pulse."

In the background, someone is urging Gilpin: "Come on get them eyes open ... keep them eyes open ... there you go ... get them eyes all the way up ... get them eyes open ... there you go."

His coach David Jason Stinson - in his first season as head coach with the team - was charged with reckless homicide meaning a grand jury did not believe that he had premeditatedly or maliciously killed his player but rather that any normal human being would have been able to prevent such a death from occurring.

From 1960 to 2007 114 people suffered heat strokes that resulted in death while playing various levels of football, making Max’s death just another sad precautionary tale for others to look at and learn from, hopefully preventing another young person’s death.
(source)

Tennis Fans are Rowdy

I’ll admit it, I am not a huge tennis fan. I mean once James Blake gets ousted, I usually stop watching. So I have to say, I was a bit surprised by the news that violence had erupted at the Aussie Open on Friday. I always though tennis was like golf and its spectators were always very well behaved. Certainly not the type of people who would throw chairs like they were Bob Knight and this was 1986. I figured that type of behavior was reserved for soccer fans and people who attend games at the Palace at Auburn Hills. But boy was I wrong.

According to reports, the fans began to get feisty following a match between Novak Djokovic and Amer Delic. People were seen throwing water bottles, insults and chairs - one of which knocked a woman unconscious briefly - in the crowd leading to the ejection of 30 Bosnian and Serbian youths. Two men were charged with riotous behavior and a third was fined.

Some thought that this type of incident could take place after a zero tolerance policy was instituted at the Aussie Open this year, but I don’t think that it was expected to be at this size.

Watch out rowdy fans, because the popo are on your tail!
(Photo: AP; source)

anything you can do...

Baseball: Prince Fielder and the Brewers have agreed on a two year. $18 million contract...The Dodgers may just land Randy Wolf...Cardinals third baseman Troy Glaus underwent surgery on his right shoulder and is expectd to miss three months...With him out of the lineup, St. Louis could become interested in Craig Counsell...The Reds are keeping their Triple-A team in Louisville through at least 2012...The Yankees brass are moving across the street on Friday...The Cubs have a new owner. Say hello to the Ricketts Family, Chicago...Sad news, the oldest living baseball player Bill Werber has passed away at the age of 100.

Basketball: The NBA All-Star team starters have been announced and it looks like Dwight Howard was the top vote getter. Click here to see who else made the team...Speaking of the Magic, they were no match for the Celtics who rolled past, 90-80...Are Tracy McGrady and Ron Artest close to returning to the Rockets?...Memphis Grizzlies have fired head coach Marc Iavaroni...Alonzo Mourning has announced his retirement.

College Basketball: West Virginia was just full of surprises, like their 75-58 upset of #12 Georgetown...#13 UCLA edged Washington State, 61-59...You'd think after winning 100-0 you'd be very happy, but not so for The Covenant School.

College Football: A handful of lawmakers with apparently oodles of time on their hands decided to protest Florida's BCS title. I hope this was during some sort of lunch break and during working hours.



Football: Irony abounds as news broke that Giants receiver Taye Biddle is recovering from gunshot wounds to his hand and leg. Biddle was promoted from the practice squad after Plaxico Burress was suspended by the team following his gun incident...Michael Irving is working on a reality show that would give the winner a spot in the Dallas Cowboys training camp. I am pretty sure this won't even come close to the awesomeness that is Making the Team: Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders.
(Photo: AP)

Hockey: While the NHL is officially on their All-Star break, there is one high profile player that will not be taking the ice on Sunday. That's right, Sidney Crosby has finally succumb to his knee injury and withdrawn from the game...Speaking of the All-Star game, Montreal Canadien Alex Kovalev and San Jose Shark Joe Thorton were named captains of their respective teams...The Senators have placed goalie Martin Gerber on waivers.

Best of the Rest: Ana Ivanovic was upset in the third round of the Aussie Open. Click here to see other scores fromt he day....During these tough ecomonic times, Nascar will work with teams facing financial hardship...They will not however, budge from that 4 car limit...Get your cameras ready girls, Michael Phelps is back to training in the pool.

Check this out: So yesterday I gave you the nominations for the greatest award show, the Razzies. Today I give you the Oscar nominations. Boring I know, but I figured some of you out there wanted to know who was going up for the big gold statue. Click here to see got a nod.

Amazing

Sorry for the lack of posts today, I am super busy at work, but I would never leave you guys empty handed, so behold the magic that is Steelers kicker Jeff Reed's hair.


It looks freshly done just in time for the Super Bowl.
(Photo: AP)

The Ice and Pavement Edition

Baseball: Jeff Kent is expected to announce his retirement...The Phillies continue to lock in their stars, signing Jayson Werth to a two year, $10 million contract...The Dodgers signed catcher Brad Ausmus to a one year contract...While the Rangers signed Omar Vizquel to a one year minor league contract...The Brewers and Prince Fielder are reportedly working on a two year deal...The Mets and Yankees are looking at P Freddie Garcia...An injury will prevent Rich Harden from pitching for team Canada...In only its second season of existence, the Nationals have dropped ticket prices at their new Stadium. Well that might be the only good thing about a recession...Mark McGwire's brother Jay said he introduced him to steriods in a new book he is peddling. What a great guy!

Basketball: Stephon Marbury, Greece is calling...Mike D'Antoni got his first win over his former team as the Knicks edged the Suns, 114-109...I think the Celtics only operate in streaks, for now it's a good thing as they hit 6 in row with their 98-83 defeat of the Heat...Hoping to turn their recent luck around, the Cavs held off the Blazers, 104-98...Andrew Bynum's 42 points carried the Lakers to a 108-97 victory over the Clippers...The NBA has introduced their All-Star uniforms. They are minorly attractive.

College Basketball: Looks like we'll have a new number 1 as Virginia Tech upset #1 Wake Forest, 78-71...Congratulations to NJIT on breaking that 51 game winless streak...#3 UCONN bested #20 Villanova, 89-83...#5 UNC rolled past #10 Clemson, 94-70...Northwestern downed #7 Michigan State, 70-63.

Football: Kerry Collins will replace Brett Favre in the Pro Bowl...Tom Brady's rehab is progressing well...Troy Aikmen is not impressed with Tony Romo.



Hockey: The Blues blanked the Blackhawks, 2-0...The Devils slipped past the Rangers for top spot in the Atlantic with their 5-2 win over the Canadiens...Meanwhile the Islanders enjoyed a rare 2-1 victory over the Ducks...The Flyers topped the Thrashers, 5-3...However Philadelphia center Danny Briere will miss two more weeks after undergoing an exploratory surgery on Thursday...Mike Ribeiro scored his first NHL hat trick in the Stars 4-1 win over the Panthers...The Bruins scored two in the third to tie the game at 3 a piece, but Boston needed a shoot-out to beat the Maple Leafs, 4-3...Get well wishes go out to former Canadiens coach Pat Burns who is facing a difficult battle against lung cancer.
(Photo: AP)

Best of the Rest: Venus Williams was upset but Andy Murray and James Blake rolled onto the third round. Click here for the Aussie Open scoreboard...Tony Stewart and Burger King. Was there ever a sponsorship pairing more perfect?...Our well wishes go out to Swiss skier Daniel Albrecht who was placed in an induced coma following a terrible crash on the Streif course.

Check this out: A day before the Oscar nominations were revealed, the Razzie nominations were announced. Click here to see how many times Paris Hilton was nominated. Ah, finally, an award she should rightfully win.

Hump Day Hair

Cole Hamels and his very low 3 year contract ($20.5 million? He could have gotten more if he went through arbitration over the next three years) were spotlighted at a recent Phillies press conference. However I was a tad bit distracted by the Hamels family hair. First of all, did Cole get highlights? No man should ever get highlights especially when he such a beautiful natural color. And then Heidi, the dress is cute, but the hair is a bit misguided. I know next time just let Heidi get the highlights and let Cole wear a hat.
(Photos: AP)

You spell stupid S-T-U-P-I-D

Two complete morons recently vandalized Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb’s offseason residence in Chandler, AZ. The pair of misfits hung a Cardinal’s flag and left a box with “Go Cards” and “Beat Philly” written on it in front of McNabb’s residence. But it was the gasoline they used to burn “Go Cards,” “Go Kurt” and “I heart AZ” into McNabb’s lawn that left a sour taste in the QB’s mouth.

"When they decided to get diesel fuel out and start damaging the yard, they crossed the line," Chandler popo chief Sgt. Joe Favazzo said.

Luckily for McNabb and the popo, the box our two brainiacs dropped off had an address on it which led straight to 37-year-old Rex Perkins, a Chandler resident who copped to the prank along with his trusty partner 28-year-old Ryan Hanlon. The pair was finger printed, photographed and cited for misdemeanor criminal damage.

Good job boys, next time you may just want to black out the label on the box, or heck, just go to the post office and buy yourself a brand new box. You know what; you’d probably screw that up to. Why not just give up playing 16 and pretend like you’re an actual adult. Novel idea I know, but it may work out for you in the long run.

Watch out Rex and Ryan, because the popo are on your tail!
(Photo: AP; source)

PS – Did anyone else notice that their first names are the same as the Jets new head coach Rex Ryan. Hopefully for Jets nation, he’s not quite as big of a buffoon as our two would be pranksters.

making new friends one paw at a time

Baseball: Jonathan Papelbon signed the largest deal for a closer eligible for arbritration, one year, $6.25 million...Others signing on the dotted line included the Pirates's Adam LaRoche who agreed to a one year, $7.05 million contract (what?!!??!! He only plays like 3 months out of the season), the Mets's Ryan Church ($2.8 million) and Angel Pagan ($575,000), the Yankees Xavier Nady ($6.55 million) and Melky Cabrera ($1.4 million), the Mariners's Erik Bedard ($7.75 million) and the Dodger's Russell Martin ($3.9 million)...Speaking of arbitration, Ryan Howard is asking for $18 million (and worth every penny when you consider how little he was making in 2005-07), Prince Fielder wants $8 million, Dan Uggla and the Marlins have hit and impass as well as the Nats and Ryan Zimmerman...Albert Pujols's elbow is doing fine.



Basketball: The Jazz were able to pull away from the T'Wolves, 112-107...Tim Duncan knocked down 27 points as the Spurs dismantled the Pacers, 99-81...The Pistons are thinking about using Richard Hamliton off the bench.
(Photo: Getty Images)

College Basketball: #2 Duke topped NC State, 73-56...Now you can't even say hi to people. Yikes!...The Stanford athletic department is thinking about making some cuts.

Football: Stephen Ross has purchased 95% of the Miami Dolphins from Wayne Huizenga...And don't worry Dolphins fans, Bill Parcels is staying on...Hines Ward is expected to play in the Super Bowl...Colts defensive coordinator Ron Meeks has resigned...Could football be coming back to LA?...And does Chicago really need two NFL teams?...Sad news, Hall of Famer Dante "Gluefingers" Lavelli has passed away at the age of 85.

Hockey: Scott Gomez broke up a 2-2 tie with his first power play goal of the season and Blair Betts added an empty netter as the Rangers bested the Ducks, 4-2...The Sharks celebrated Claude Lemieux's first NHL game since 2003 with a 2-1 OT win...Ray Whitney and Eric Staal tallied goals as the Hurricanes edged the Penguins, 2-1...The Kings broke their four game slide with a 5-2 victory over the Wild...Meanwhile the Coyotes made it five wins in a row with their 6-3 rout of the Wings...Rick DiPietro's knee is just not healing properly so the Islanders have shut him down.

Best of the Rest: Roger Federer only needed 86 minutes to advance to the third round of the Aussie Open. Click here for the rest of the results...Target is moving over from the #41 car to the #42 car driven by Juan Pablo Montoya...The real Dale Earnhardt, Jr. will be revealed in a commercial set to air during the Daytona 500. Sporting News went behind the scenes. Click here for the interview.

Check this out: If you watched the Inaugural Ball you were treated to Michelle Obama's stunning Jason Wu gown. But while Michelle's dress was absolutely stunning, some other first ladies didn't quite hit it out of the park in their inaugural finest. (Hillary Clinton I'm talking to you.) Check out this gallery to see the hits and misses of first ladies past.

If they mated

Not only did Brendan Shanahan return to the Devils on Monday night, he scored his first goal with the team in his debut. In honor of Shanny’s return I bring you this if they mated:

If Brendan Shanahan and Scott Patterson (Luke from Gilmore Girls) mated their child would probably look something like:

Brian Rolston (New Jersey Devils)

(Photos: AP)

I am all for paisley…

but this is ridiculous. When did the man scarf hit the NBA? I feel like that is one fashion trend that should have skipped this demo. I am all for taking a fashion risk. This is the same girl who thought that because the top and bottom were plaid (any type of plaid) they matched and proudly rocked that look throughout sixth grade. The same girl who brought the stockings under shorts look to Orchard School in the 2nd grade. That is why I applaud the cream suit. Why I enjoy the whimsy of the glasses. Even why I can get behind the pocket square. But the scarf is just killing me.

Take a look at Kobe Bryant’s outfit (the photo was taken from the same day as LeBron’s):

It’s the perfect mix of fashion with the tight pin striping and function with the crisp white dress shirt. And it’s still able to the look very masculine with the avaitors. There are few things that Kobe does off the court that I would say others should emulate, but this clothing choice would be one of them.
(Photos: Andrew D. Berstein/NBAE/Getty Images)

Happy Inauguration Day

Baseball: The Phillies were very busy this weekend, signing Cole Hamels to a three year, $20,5 million deal, while locking in PH Greg Dobbs and reliever Ryan Madson...Other teams avoiding arbritration included the Braves who signed Mike Gonzalez to a one year, $3.45 million contract, the Rockies who locked up Huston Street to a one year, $4.5 million deal and The White Sox who awarded Bobby Jenks a one year, $5.6 million contract...The Orioles and outfielder Nick Markakis have agreed to a six year, $66.1 million contract. Crap that's a lot of money for Markakis...Good news, Don Zimmer says he's feeling better after suffering a slight stroke...Finally, the US has announced their roster for the World Baseball Classic. Click here to see who made the team.

Basketball: Chris Paul drained a three as the clock expired to give the Hornets a 103-100 advantage over the Pacers...Greg Oden scored a career high 24 points as the Blazers sunk the Bucks, 102-85...Speaking of the Blazers, Rudy Fernandez was voted into the slam dunk contest...LeBron may have bested Kobe, but it was the Lakers that went home a winner, routing the Cavs, 105-88...The Celtics made it five in a row as the topped the Suns, 104-87.

College Basketball: Somehow Duke got skipped over for number one. Click here to see who is sitting a top the AP Poll...#4 Pitt beat #8 Syracuse, 78-60...#1 UCONN (women) rolled past #2 UNC, 88-58.

Football: After the Steelers downed the Ravens, 23-14 and the Cardinals held off the surging Eagles, 32-25, we now know the Super Bowl contenders...Anquan Boldin is not happy...After some scary moments, Ravens RB Willis McGahee was released from the hospital on Monday and is expected to make a full recovery...Giants defensive coordinator Steve Spagnuolo was named the Rams new head coach...The Giants promoted linebacker coach Bill Sheridan to d-coordinator...The Jets have a new head coach, Rex Ryan. PS greatest name ever...Donovan McNabb and Andy Reid are expected to stay with the Eagles next season.

Hockey: Brendan Shanahan scored in his Devils debut as New Jersey went on to the 3-1 victory over the Predators...Niklas Backstrom stopped 40 shots as the Wild blasted past the Hawks, 4-1...Alexander Ovchekin had two goals including the game winner in the Capitals 2-1 OT win over the Islanders...The Blues surprised the Bruins with their 5-4 SO victory...The Sharks called up Claude Lemieux.

Best of the Rest: The new racing team formed by the merger of Petty Enterprises and Gillett Evernham Motorsports will be renamed Richard Petty Motorsports. In addition the #10 will become the #44...Tony Stewart will attempt to a qualify a Hendrick Motorsports Chevy in the Nationwide Series at Daytona...Scott Riggs was named the new driver of the #36 Tommy Baldwin Racing Toyota...The Australian Open is underway, click here for score updates.
(Photo: AP)

Check this out: If you haven't already heard, today is Inauguration Day. So if you’re looking to fill up your day with live TV coverage and insane tales of a dog and an inauguration ticket (you can guess what happened) I’d say cnn.com is probably your best bet. If you were lucky enough to get the day off or have access to a TV, all major news networks will carry the inauguration itself live. So curl up on your couch, in your conference room or at your desk, because today is a day to spend watching a monitor/TV screen, not a day to get actual work done. At least that’s what I am telling myself.

Friday Funnies

I don't care what the prize is buddy, it's just not worth it!
(Photo: AP)

The Tony Stewart Rule

Nascar is once again tinkering with the Budweiser Shootout rules. After changing the lineup to include the top six points finishers for each manufacturer, the League is allowing each manufacturer to add a wild card entry. The entry must be a past Cup Champion and they must have attempted to compete in all races the year prior. We’ll call this the Tony Stewart Rule because he was the only big name that benefits from the change. If a manufacturer does not have a driver that qualifies, the wild card entry will revert to the seventh place points finisher.

I know when the overall change in qualifying format was originally announced people got their panties in a twist, but it’s only because the rules are incredibly biased. GM is the only manufacturer that fields more than 6 good teams. Basically all of Roush gets to play and then when you get to Toyota and Dodge, lesser teams that have no business making it into the field get a spot because six cars go a long way in Toyotaville. I get that because Budweiser no longer sponsors the pole, it’s a bit awkward that Coors pole winners would receive a slot, but this is ridiculous.

Oh and Tony, congratulations. You deserved to be in the field no matter what!
(Photo: Getty Images; source)

Friday Night Lights Friday

It is back, it is back, it is back! The critically acclaimed drama series about football in a small town in Texas is back on network TV and according to some of my moles, this season is the best yet! (I of course, held off on watching its run on DirecTV, mostly because I don’t actually have DirecTV, but whatever.) So call all of your friends, organize a party, make them change the channel at the bar, whatever you’ve got to do to get EVERYONE you know to turn on NBC at 9 PM/est to check out the season premiere of Friday Night Lights.

For those who just can’t wait any longer, here’s an extended clip, but warning there are spoilers so proceed at your own risk:



And for those who want to catch up on all the action, click here for episodes from seasons 1 & 2.

watch the hands

Baseball: The Red Sox signed Kevin Youkilis and Mark Kotsay...The Padres have brought in David Eckstein to play second...Bartolo Colon signed a one year deal with the Chicago White Sox...Maybe Michael Young jumped the gun on those trade demands...111 players including Ryan Howard have filed for arbitration. Goodness, if Howard got $10 million last season, I can only imagine what kind of payday he's going to get this season...With the Braves finalizing their $60 million deal with Derek Lowe, do they have any money left to upgrade their offense?...B.J. Upton will miss the first week of the regular season...The owners have approved a rule change that gets rid of the coin toss.

Basketball: The Bulls pulled out the 102-93 OT victory over the Cavs...Cleveland guard Delonte West left the game early after fracturing his right wrist...In other OT news, the Nuggets edged the Suns, 119-113...Mavs owner Mark Cuban could be trouble.



College Basketball: #5 UNC put a hault to their two game winless streak by taking out Viriginia, 83-61...#4 UCONN moved to 15-1 after beating St. John's, 67-55...#15 UCLA easily defeated Arizona, 83-60...7th grade prospects, really?
(Photo: AP)

Football: The Lions have hired Titans defensive coordinator Jim Schwartz to be their new head coach...The Dolphins have fired offensive line coach Mike Maser.

Hockey: The Bruins topped the Islanders, 2-1. The win moved them back a top the Eastern Conference...Speaking of the Islanders, are they moving to Kansas City? Maybe that's jumping the gun a little, but they are planning on playing an exhibition game out west next season...The Lightning errupted for three goals in the second period to ride past the Flyers, 4-1...Jason Blake notched five points in the Leafs 6-4 win over the Hurricanes...The Coyotes spoiled Roberto Luongo's return to the ice with a 4-1 win...While the Flames ended the Sharks 11 month home winning streak with a 3-2 victory...Calm down Pittsburgh, Sidney Crosby isn't injured that badly or whatever. You hear that Sidney, clam down.

Best of the Rest: The Truck Series may limit the amount of pit stops each team can make during a race.

Separated at Birth:


Check this out: By now you've all heard about that crazy plane landing in the Hudson River on Thursday. Well if you weren't glued to CNN's online stream yesterday afternoon like I was or you just decided to give up TV, internet and newspapers over the last 24 hours, click here for the details.

Bagels?

I love my bagels. I really do. Every Saturday morning I hit up Starbucks and then go across the street to get a whole wheat everything with egg and taylor ham. If for whatever reason I miss out on my weekend binge, I spend the entire week craving it and starring at bagel shops saying “I want to go to there” until that magical Saturday when I finally get me a bagel. So I understand the power a bagel can have over someone, but seriously, if you’re going to impersonate one of the biggest Yankees stars, I would use my influence for a little more than a bagel and smear. But alas, I guess I think too big. I would personally use it get some free tickets, or to get out of yet another speeding ticket. Maybe I would get a free hotel room at some ritzy place in Manhattan. But a bagel? No way.

Too bad no one ever told 30 year old Toms River native Ryan Ward to think big. Instead he spent an entire summer scamming free bagels from Belmar Bagel by impersonating Yankees pitcher Joba Chamberlain. According to an employee he would say “Do you know who I am?” and then point to the sports section. Some would say, the employee should have pointed to the sports section and say “I know who he is, but you I am not sure about.” But instead they gave him a free bagel. And apparently he took his act on the road, posing as Chamberlain at other establishments in Belmar and Spring Lake leading to his swift departure from a few bars in the area. Ward even went so far as to sign autographs and promise women free tickets to games.

For his summer escapades Ward has been charged with impersonation and has a court date scheduled for February 11th.

When questioned about his act, Ward responded by saying "It was something I did for the summer. I had a lot of fun with it." Yeah, well I had a lot of fun at summer camp making rosary beads for the poor people of Venezuela while being treated to the musical stylings of Father Ray, the DJ. But that was when I was 15. 10 years later and I’ve kind of moved on from juvenile things like that. I guess you have not.

Watch out Ryan, because the popo are on your tail!

(source)

when did I move to Canada?

Baseball: Who wants a salary cap?...The Dodgers have dumped Andruw Jones...Jack Cust and the A's agreed on a one year, $2.8 million deal...Meanwhile, Chone Figgins signed a one year, $5.775 million contract with the Angels...Maybe that report of the Mets signing Alex Cora to a two year deal was a year off...Speaking of the Mets, they don't want Johan Santana to play in the WBC...Ok, it's really time to jump on the I hate Frank Wren bandwagon after reading Smoltzie's side...Elijah Dukes is probably more trouble than he's worth. Especially if he ends up in jail after failing to pay his estranged wife $40,000...The Cubs are hoping to have a a new owner by April.

Basketball: It was a marathon, but by the end of the third OT the Kings had out paced the Warriors, 135-133...I don't want to get ahead of myself, but the Celtics have hit three in row, decimating the Nets, 118-86...Chris Paul just missed a quadruple-double in the Hornets 104-97 victory over the Mavs.

College Basketball: #1 Pittsburgh rolled past South Florida, 75-62...While #2 Duke took out Georgia Tech, 70-56...However there was some good news for Tech, the nation's top recruit Derrick Favors announced he is going to be a Yellow Jacket...#13 Georgetown snapped #8 Syracuse's seven gamew win streak with a 88-74 victory...Oregon State coach Craig Robinson said he will be heading to Washington to see his brother-in-law Barack Obama be sworn in as the 44th President of the United States.

Football: The Cowboys may be ready to get rid of Terrell Owens...Meanwhile the jury is still out on Plaxico Burress's return to the Giants...Sources are saying USC QB Mark Sanchez will enter the draft...While Oklahoma's Sam Bradford will not...Dave Meggett may want to just stay home after being accused of rape in South Carolina. Meggett already has a charge of third-degree criminal sexual conduct hanging over his head. Watch out Dave, because the popo are on your tail!

Hockey: Alexander Ovechkin broke up a 2-2 tie in the third period as the Capitals cruised to a 6-3 win over the Penguins...Sidney Crosby had to leave the game early with an injury...Speaking of injuries, Hawks defenseman Duncan Keith left Chicago's 4-1 win over the Sabres with an undisclosed injury...Dan Cleary and Johan Franzen scored in the third period to give the Red Wings the 4-3 advantage over the Ducks...Roberto Luongo is expected to make his return on Thursday...Could the Winter Classic be heading to New York? Goodness, if it does finally happen, I so have to get tickets for it!
(Photo: Reuters)

Best of the Rest: Rafael Nadal and Jelena Jankovic have been named the top seeds for the Australian Open...Max Seigel announced he is leaving Earnhardt-Ganassi Racing to head Nascar's Drive for Diversity program...Meanwhile Toyota announced cutbacks for the 2009 season.

Check this out: Here's another reason to watch the Super Bowl this year. Jennifer Hudson will be singing the National Anthem! This would mark the first public appearance Hudson makes since the tragic death of her mother, brother and nephew.