I am dealing with the tortoise here

Baseball: The Nationals continue to be aggressive this offseason, signing Jason Marquis to a two year, $15 million contract...Are the Mets interested in bringing Pedro Martinez back? Sure Omar like this is going to save your job...Cardinals youngster Tyler Bighames was suspended 50 games for testing postive to a drug test - his second positive test. He should probably have a chat with Josh Hamilton or at the very least read his book...The Yankees were charged $25.69 million in luxury tax or Alex Rodriguez's yearly salary...Chip Caray has landed with FoxSports South calling Braves games for the channel. I have to admit, I don't mind Chip calling Braves games, playoff games, not so much...MLB and the umpire's union are close to agreeing to a new deal...A New Hampshire woman has been convicted of second degree murder after she backed her car into 29 year-old Matthew Beaudoin after he taunted her for being a Yankees fan. Watch out Ivonne Hernandez, because the popo are on your tail!

Basketball: Lovie Smith may not be the only Chicago area coach on the verge of umeployment after the Bulls blew a 35 point third quarter lead, eventually falling to the Kings, 102-98. Vinny are you nervous now?...J.J. Redick apparently got some good advice from former coach Mike Krzyzewski on Monday, because the former Duke standout netted 20 points as the Magic nipped the Jazz, 104-99...Paul Pierce drained three tres as the Celtics pounded the T'Wolves, 122-104.

College Basketball: Kentucky got their 2,000th victory in convincing fashion, doubling up Drexel, 88-44. No jitters there!...Nic Wise's three pointer with 0.1 seconds left in OT lifted Arizona over Lipscomb, 83-82...Guess who is still number one...UCLA senior forward Nikola Dragovic pleaded not guilty to felony assault after an alleged fight outside of a concert in Hollywood. Watch out Nikola, because the popo are on your tail!...New Jersey sure knows how to grow them, 16 year old Marvadene Anderson was named the world's tallest teenage girl after checking in at 6-11. The teen, not surprisingly has already earned a scholarship to play for Rutgers Prep basketball team in Somerset, NJ. Ok, she's actually from Jamaica, but she does play in NJ!
(Photo: AP)

College Football: When it rains it pours all over Southern California as three players Anthony McCoy, Tyron Smith and Averell Spicer have been ruled academically ineligible for Saturday's Emerald Bowl. Joe McKnight did not travel with the team now that he has SUVgate hanging over him...Don't worry USC, your not the only team that will be without three of its players for their bowl game, Ohio State will be without Bo DeLande, Rob Rose and Ray Small after the trio violated a team rule...Florida will be without leading rusher Brandon James after he underwent surgery on his right foot...Just in time for the National Championship, Texas has reinstated kickoff returner/receiver D.J. Monroe.

Football: The Giants kept their playoff hopes alive, stomping the Redskins, 45-12...Brett Favre was just pissed off Brad Childress wanted to take him out in the third quarter. How dare he make decisions like he's running the show - oh wait, he's the head coach...Hold onto your resume Eric Mangini, because Mike Holmgren is coming to Cleveland...The Cowboys have found a replacement for the less than reliable Nick Folk, Shaun Suisham...The Bengals will be traveling to New Orleans to attend Chris Henry's funeral.
(Photo: Getty)

Hockey: Three in a row baby! Three in a row!...Marty Broduer stands all alone at the top of the career shut out list after the Devils blanked the Penguins, 4-0...Penguins center Jordan Staal left midway through the second period after taking a puck to the face, but did return in the third. And that is why I love hockey...Tim Thomas and the Bruins stood up to the Senators, 2-0...Although I think even a loss couldn't take the smile off Mike Fisher's face after he got engaged to country singer Carrie Underwood over the weekend. Congrats to the happy couple...Patrick Marleau's two goals were the difference in the Sharks 4-2 win over the Stars...Ryan Malone scored two power play goals in the final period to lead the Lightning past the Islanders, 4-2...Another Ryan was at the heart of the Sabres 3-2 win over the Leafs, Ryan Miller. Can he be our goalie for the Olympics now team USA?

Best of the Rest: Congrats to Jimmie Johnson on being named the AP male athlete of 2009. He is the first racecar driver to win the award...Congratulations also go out to AJ Allmendinger who received just probation and community service for his DWI. Watch out AJ, because the popo are on your tail!...Congrats to Lionel Messi who was named the World Player of the Year...Brazil's Marta earned the honor for the ladies...Good news football fans (soccer for those in the US), arrests at football matches were down by 2% in England and Wales this year. That resulted in only 3,752 arrests. Wow that's a number you can really hang your hat on.

Check this Out: Last year it was gang from How I Met Your Mother bringing the Olympics to life and this year Big Bang Theory' Jim Parsons, Johnny Galecki and Kaley Cuoco show us a little something about 2009, here.